Tragic How Significantly Insignificant We All Are

So I'm hanging out on my couch, knitting a sweater that I started like two months ago. I'm watching 'How the Universe Works' on Netflix. I was hoping it would be more interesting, but so far it's little more than what my CATS 10 teacher fast-forwarded through in high school. Still on though cause I don't know what else to watch.

Anyway, so on to how insignificant we all are: if this little documentary that I've got on in the background has reminded me of anything, it is how completely insignificant we all are. But then I started thinking - I don't feel insignificant and I don't know one person who does. When I ponder how tiny our world is in such a vast universe, of which we have no proof is significant itself, I am able, for a few seconds, to put my life and problems in perspective. It's sort of freeing. However, no matter how hard I try, I can't hold onto that feeling for long. This lead me to reflect upon how ridiculously tragic the human perspective really is: We are so tiny and insignificant to everything and most of everyone around us, but being human means that we will experience this reality as if we are the center of it. What a conflict this causes.

That was my philosophical meandering for the day, and I'm not entirely sure I've articulated it correctly or just stated something obvious. Huh. I'm going to look around and see if this concept has a name since I'm sure I'm not the first person to ever think about it.

Blogging - Like So Hard, Dude...

I hope that anyone reading this blog (doubtful) gets that the title of this post isn't really how I speak. I always worry about people getting me. I just spent two hours writing three emails to prospective employers that my favorite professor put me in touch with. Not productive. I read them over and over again to make sure they sound okay, then decide they don't, rewrite them, and read them again only to decide I liked it better before. Ridiculous. I used to think that I didn't like myself and that was the reason for all of the editing and rewording. I was trying to become a different, more acceptable person. However, I like myself. I really do. It's taken me awhile to figure this out. Actually, just now it dawned on me. I like myself but most of my personality is usually mistaken for something else. People just seem to miss my jokes or general tone a lot of the time. Perhaps it's poor execution. Like I have a stutter that I'm unaware of. (Is it okay to end sentences with prepositions now? I thought I heard that somewhere...) It's good that I can't edit my daily conversation the way that I edit my emails. I'd never get a word out.

Anyway, so blogging is hard. It's December 12th or something-teenth today. My last post was on the 4th. I always thought that if I actually started a blog, I would be writing in it every day. Not true. Some days, I'd just rather not, or I don't have time, or if I do, I'd rather knit. Today I have time because I woke up at 7am to take two final exams before I was even fully awake or able to comprehend why I was awake. Since it's finals week, I'm not going to work at my internship on the days that I have exams, thus leaving me with the rest of the day to knit, blog, drool over Madelinetosh, or do any number of activities that I see fit. I found the silver lining of finals week! No, no, hold your Nobel Prize(s) please. <- - Did you get that? Was it funny? Not funny? I don't know. It wasn't funny to me. Maybe lopsided smile amusing. What I find actually funny most people just find offensive.

Speaking of offensive, today I came home and stopped wearing a bra. Then I had a tank top on over the absence of the bra. I am not a girl who is comfortable in her own skin, so I would completely die if anyone ever saw me like that. Anyway, so I was staring in the mirror imbibing my daily dose of self-deprecation when I realized that my boobs are comparable to that of a 90-year-old woman. Just so damned saggy. I don't know what made me decide to write this here. It's probably inappropriate. I just feel censored all the time anymore and I'm really tired of it. Anyway, so yeah. Not a fan of my breasts today. Good talk.

So since this blog isn't called Knitting Around My Boobs (although maybe it should be... might get more hits that way), I guess I should get on with what I happen to be knitting at the moment. The other Cookie A sock. Nothing amazing. I finished the other one. I should post pictures, but it takes so much effort. Eventually I will.

In addition to the second sock, I am also attempting to make my own pop-over mittens out of this amazing Bamboo Silky concoction of a yarn that I didn't even know existed. That's one good thing about being a relatively new knitter - still being amazed daily by the wonders of yarn. Not sure how those are going to turn out, but my hands are absolutely freezing every morning so I just hope they turn out soon. I should go work on those. Decide what I'm going to take to knitting group tonight. I took the sock last week. . . It was difficult to keep everything straight on it because of the chart. I wanted to socialize but found that I was unable to do both. Hmm. Mittens it is, I suppose.

The Me Monster

I actually created this blog to explore me. The only thing that I do know is that knitting could easily consume my life so I decided to join a community of people who feel the same way. I've been crocheting since I was about 10, but I didn't come over to the dark side until a few years ago, and even then it was just scarves and easy stitches because knitting scared the hell out of me. (So many needles! They're like damned Pokemon! I still find myself annoyed that I can't afford to catch 'em all!)

One day, I decided I'd had enough stockinette stitch and that I actually wanted to create something that looked hard. I wanted people to look at it and go, "Wow. I bet that was hard. You did that." Yeah, I'm a complete narcissist (who isn't? I wouldn't know. Too concerned with myself to find out.). Anyway, so I found this pattern called the Boredom Buster Bag. I looked up Fair Isle. Decided the technique and finished product was sufficiently amazing. Taught myself the two-fisted method from a few YouTube videos (in the process converting myself to a continental knitter because it's "so much faster") and I finished it! . . . Well almost. The shoulder strap still awaits my sewing it on. I hate to sew.

After that, I tried some socks. Made one out of some beautiful bright green dreadful acrylic that I picked up from Michael's. Finished it. Lost it because it's made of acrylic and I never had any intention of wearing it. Never finished the other one. Knowing that I COULD make one was enough. Then I made the SnapDragon Tam from Ysolda Teague's book "Whimsical Little Knits 2." Fell in love with Madelinetosh yarn as well as everything Ysolda (Ya-zolda? Ee-Zolda? Is that how you say her name? I've no idea. Really great name though. Wish it was mine. My name is Sherry, by the way. I should probably end these parentheses now.)

And then... I stopped knitting for awhile (gasp!). I just didn't want to. I had conquered the Ysolda beast. I had a cool tam that satisfied my vain need for people to say, "That's a cool hat." and for me to be able to reply, "Yeah? I made it!" and then they would invariably fall at my feet. Or just say "Wow." That worked too.

Then my boyfriend, Tom, wanted a hat. I love Tom very much and it was an easy hat, so I carefully placed my selfish-knitter tendencies aside, and made him a hat in the colors of his favorite team (West Virginia Mountaineers - this is where I live, by the way. Looking to move to Pittsburgh soon though. There I go with those parentheses again.) Anyway, so the hat was made. Check. But... I was on holiday break from college. I wanted something else on my needles. So I started looking for socks again. And found none other than Cookie A! Amazing stuff. I'm currently making a pair of the "Pointelle" from her book Knit, Sock, Love. And I couldn't be happier.

This was a very long rant about me with not a lot of useful information. I'm okay with that. I'm sure if you continue reading my posts (and I continue making them) you'll learn quite enough and more. My friend(s) say I'm an over-sharer. :-)

For more information on the Me Monster joke...